Are You the Primary Influence in Your Child’s Life?

Six ways to leave a lasting, positive imprint on your children

As parents, we leave an imprint on our children that lasts far longer than we sometimes realize.

Years ago, I described parents as being a little like a permanent marker. Remember a Sharpie? Once it gets on something, it can be pretty hard to get off.

That’s us.

Through the things we say, the way we respond, the time we give, the affection we show, and the life we model, we are continually writing on the pages of our children’s lives.

There are many other voices competing for their attention. Friends, teachers, coaches, social media, entertainment, and culture all have an influence. But as parents, we have an incredible opportunity to be one of the most consistent and formative influences in their lives.

And that influence isn’t built through one big parenting moment. It’s built through thousands of ordinary ones.

Here are six things I believe our children need from us. I call them the six A’s.

1. Affirmation

Your children need to know that you believe in them.

Words have tremendous power in a home. Our children hear plenty about what they need to improve, where they went wrong, and what they should have done differently. They also need to hear what we see in them that is good.

Tell them you love them. Notice their effort. Celebrate their growth. Commend their character. Let them know when you’re proud of the way they handled something.

Be one of your child’s greatest encouragers.

Affirmation isn’t pretending they never make mistakes. It’s making sure correction isn’t the loudest voice they hear from you.

2. Attention

When you are with your children, be with them.

That has become even more important in a world where there is almost always another notification, message, email, or screen competing for our attention.

Put the phone down. Look them in the eye. Listen to the story they’re telling you, even when it seems small.

Our children notice whether we are genuinely present.

You probably know the feeling of trying to talk to someone who is physically in the room but mentally somewhere else. Our kids feel it too.

Attention communicates something incredibly important:

You matter to me.

3. Association

Spend time in their world.

When children are young, they often say some version of, “Come play with me.”

Go.

Play the game. Shoot the basketball. Kick the soccer ball. Go for the drive. Attend the concert. Sit in the stands. Take them for breakfast. Learn something they enjoy.

As they get older, the invitation may become less obvious, but their need for connection doesn’t disappear.

I’ve said for years that love to a child is often spelled T-I-M-E.

The greater the relationship, the greater the opportunity for influence.

4. Appreciation

Let your children know you’re thankful for them.

Thank them when they help. Notice when they work hard. Tell them you appreciate their attitude, kindness, humour, perseverance, or thoughtfulness.

But don’t only appreciate what they do.

Let them know you appreciate who they are.

Invite them along. Welcome their presence. Make sure they know that they aren’t simply another responsibility on your schedule.

Gratitude helps create a home where people know they are valued.

5. Affection

Our children need warmth and affection from us.

That can look different depending on their age and personality, but appropriate physical affection can communicate what words sometimes cannot.

A hug can say, I’m glad you’re here.

An arm around a hurting child can say, You don’t have to face this alone.

A warm greeting can say, Your presence matters in this home.

I like to think about the ABCs of affection:

Appreciation: “I value you.”

Belonging: “You are loved, even when you fail.”

Comfort: “I am here when life hurts.”

Don’t assume your children know how much you love them. Find ways to show them.

6. Authenticity

This may be the most challenging one.

Your children need the real you.

They are far more likely to follow what they consistently see in your life than what they occasionally hear from your lips.

If you want them to apologize, let them hear you apologize.

If you want them to forgive, let them see you forgive.

If you want them to treat people with respect, let them watch how you treat people.

And if you want faith to become meaningful to them, let them see that your relationship with Jesus genuinely shapes the way you live.

You don’t have to model perfection. None of us can.

But you can model integrity.

Be who you say you are. Do what you say you will do. Admit when you’re wrong. Keep growing. Put God first.

An authentic life gives credibility to the lessons we hope our children will carry with them.

What Kind of Imprint Are You Leaving?

Parenting can sometimes make us focus on everything we’re getting wrong.

Instead, I want to encourage you to consider the opportunities you have right in front of you.

Affirmation. Attention. Association. Appreciation. Affection. Authenticity.

These aren’t complicated parenting techniques. They’re intentional ways of loving our children well.

And here’s the encouraging part: many of these same principles still matter when our children become adults. The way we express them may change, but our opportunity to encourage, listen, spend time together, show appreciation, demonstrate affection, and live authentically continues.

You are leaving an imprint.

My prayer is that, with God’s help, it will be one marked by love, faith, presence, encouragement, and a life worth following.

This article was adapted from the teaching and writing of Dr. Dave Currie, founder of Doing Family Right. We are grateful for Dr. Dave’s many years of leadership and his continued commitment to strengthening marriages and families through practical, biblically grounded wisdom. Dr. Dave has generously encouraged Doing Family Right to continue sharing his articles and resources to bless others and help connect people with the care and support they need.

Adapted from an article originally published in August 2017.