Doing Family Right

Maximizing your most
important relationships.

Marriage: Developing a Marriage Mission Statement

Marriage: Developing a Marriage Mission Statement
Know Why You are Developing a Mission Statement as a Couple

Life is about choices. When you intentionally make the right decisions, so many things will go well in your marriage – never perfect but far better. When you make the wrong choices, the fall out in your world at home can be severe. You add sorrow upon sorrow to your relational experience. Interesting. There is a third category…those who fail to choose. They will lose by default. Letting life take its course in your marriage without setting priorities and goals leaves you and your future family helpless to the cultural current. Not good for you or your family.

Three Verses for Developing a Marriage Mission Statement

Three verses come to mind when considering developing a Marriage Mission Statement. Joshua 24:15 reads, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Your decision sets the tone in the home and the trend for the future. You need to live what you believe. You need to make the choice. You need to put God first and buy in at a deep heart level. In so doing, you make a commitment to what’s really important.

Psalm 127:1 reads, “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain that build it.” Will you let Him be the chief architect in your marriage? Will you build with Christ as your foundation? How will that be seen in your day-to-day life? Weave this into your mission statement.

We are called upon to “please our mates” – that truly honors the Lord (see 1 Corinthians 7: 33-34). I cannot live to please the Lord without caring well for my spouse. They need to be my earthly priority ~ it says, “Our interests our divided”. Pleasing God yes, but simultaneously pleasing my spouse.

What is a Marriage Mission Statement?

A Marriage Mission Statement (MMS) is a vision for what you want your marriage to be. Done well, it will help shape the next generation too, as the stronger YOUR relationship is the greater security and stability you will give you children. A MMS is an expression of your core values of life for your primary relationships ~ God and spouse. It will reflect your priorities – what’s important to you. It is a merger of what you believe life and marriage are about.

Keep in mind that in your MMS, you are not focusing on describing who you are as a couple now as much as whom you want to be in the future. It is true though the latter grows out of the former. A MMS becomes your goals – the target to aim for in your marriage. It is describing what it is you want and then agreeing to get on the same page.

Ultimately, the best MMS has to be something that you as husband and wife are very passionate about. It must truly grab you at a heart level. Your MMS needs to carry such weight in you that you pray that some version of it will be in the life of your children’s children long into the future. It is part of your legacy.

DD-Mission2It is out of this deep conviction about your MMS and your enthusiasm and commitment to it that you will be able to transfer the implications into your family and, Lord-willing, into the lives of all your kids before they leave home. Your marriage is ideally to be their best premarital preparation. It is said, “the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree”. A MMS is your tree. Here is our MMS. It’s overly detailed and could use some tweaking but since we jointly aimed at this, we are quite happy and grateful to the Lord with how things turned out in our family.

Revisit your MMS every year or two. Update as needed. Now let’s get started.

The Process of Developing a Marriage Mission Statement
  • SET UP SOME DISCUSSION TIMES: Have two or three 30-minute discussions to begin getting your initial thoughts. Write everything down. Try to record it in your own words. You are looking for 3-5 traits or descriptions that you want your marriage to be. Pray together asking God to lead you.
  • DEVELOP A GOOD SET OF QUESTIONS: Hear is a collection of questions you could use to get the discussion about marriage goals started. Use them during the different times that you discuss your MMS.

1. What do you like about our marriage?
2. What don’t you like about our marriage?
3. Why do you like being part of our marriage?
4. What is different about our marriage?
5. What other marriage do you really respect? Why?
6. What is important to our marriage?
7. What kind of marriage do we want to have?

  • DETERMINE WHAT CATEGORIES YOU WANT TO INCLUDE: While you are free to include anything you want to in your MMS, here is a basic guideline. It is wise to include your views about God, others and you as a couple.
  • God: Who we are in relation to God as a couple. Describe where God should fit in. How important is God to our marriage?
  • Others: Who we are in relation to others outside our home. Describe how we will impact our world. How important is caring for others? How do you want your marriage to be in the lives of others?
  • Your Marriage: Who we are in relation to each other? Describe how we want our relationship to be. How important will my marriage be to me and me to my marriage?
  • Be careful about adding too much that is really secondary. A MMS is not a collection of everything you believe. It is your core values. Remember – less is often more.
  • CHOOSING A MARITAL VERSE OF SCRIPTURE: Ask God to lead you to a verse that is going to frame your marriage. Be sure to use a modern translation for more understandable wording.
  • SPEND TIME TWEAKING AND PRAYING: You want to be in full agreement with the final product. Tweak the wording into clear and warm language. Reread it daily for about 2 weeks. When committed to it, post it in a prominent place in your home. Ask God to help you live it.

If you have half of your children age 10 or older, you may want to create a Family Mission Statement as well. Details on how to involve the kids are on our website. Visit us regularly for a ton of helpful resources to strengthen your marriage and family life. Check out our new podcasts on itunes. We’ll help you in Doing Family Right – God’s Way. We invite your comments there as well. Start living with purpose.

 

 © Dr. Dave Currie, Doing Family Right– March 2013Dr. Dave Currie