Helping Your Teen Stand Strong Against Peer Pressure
Junior high and high school bring a new kind of pressure most parents feel long before their child ever walks through the door. Negative peer pressure, the kind that pushes kids toward choices that aren’t good for them, can come from classmates, from social media, or from both at once. Dr. Dave and Donalyn Currie have spent decades helping families navigate exactly this, and their wisdom, drawn from raising four kids of their own and walking alongside hundreds of families, still holds up.
Here are five things they encourage every parent to keep in mind.
#1 Build Their Sense of Worth Early
Much of the work of resisting peer pressure happens long before the first day of middle school. A teen with a strong sense of self-worth has the confidence to stand alone or walk away when it matters. A teen who feels insecure is far more likely to give in. Dave and Donalyn made it a point to tell their kids often, “There’s nothing you will ever do that will make us quit loving you.” That kind of unconditional love and consistent encouragement becomes the foundation a teen stands on when the pressure shows up.
#2 Stay Connected Through the Teen Years
It’s tempting to think teens need less of your time as they grow more independent. Dave and Donalyn found the opposite to be true, it’s not less time, it’s different time. Shooting hoops, listening to their music, showing up for their activities, these small, consistent moments keep the relationship strong through adolescence, and they matter just as much online as they do in person, since a significant portion of the pressure teens face today happens through social media after school hours.
#3 Talk Openly, Not Just at Them
Rather than handing down a list of do’s and don’ts, Dave and Donalyn encourage parents to talk through real issues honestly and early, drinking, drugs, relationships, and more, ideally before a child hears about them elsewhere first. Ask your teen what they think, rather than only telling them what to think. Most teens already know the right answer, and they’re far more likely to own it if they arrive there through conversation rather than a lecture.
#4 Welcome Their Friends
It can be tempting to be wary of a teen’s friend choices, but Dave and Donalyn found it far more effective to welcome and accept their kids’ friends rather than criticize them. A home that feels open and welcoming to a teen’s friends gives parents a front-row seat to who their child is spending time with, and it lets a teen make their own decisions about friendship without feeling pressured or judged.
#5 Model It and Pray for Them
Perhaps the simplest and most important piece of advice: live the example you want your teen to follow, and pray with them, not just for them. Dave and Donalyn made a habit of reminding their teens that God’s love isn’t conditional either, and that His grace covers our mistakes just as much as theirs.
Peer pressure isn’t something to fear. With a strong foundation, an open relationship, and a lot of grace along the way, the teen years can be some of the best years of family life.
Adapted from “Parenting: Helping Kids Handle Peer Pressure,” a Q&A with Dr. Dave and Donalyn Currie, originally published October 2015.
This article was adapted from the teaching and writing of Dr. Dave Currie, founder of Doing Family Right. We are grateful for Dr. Dave’s many years of leadership and his continued commitment to strengthening marriages and families through practical, biblically grounded wisdom. Dr. Dave has generously encouraged Doing Family Right to continue sharing his articles and resources to bless others and help connect people with the care and support they need.
