eZine #48: Relationships—Do Opposites Attack or Attract?
eZine #48: Woodpeckers and Turtles—Do Opposites Attack or Attract?
One of my favourite illustrations that we use when describing the communication and fighting dynamics in marriage is the contrast between a turtle and a woodpecker. It seems that, most times, we are drawn to our opposites. This is because we love that they possess what we don’t and understandably we are drawn to those characteristics.
Some couples do end up with someone who communicates just like them, still the relational dynamics can be better understood within this framework.
And as great as these differences CAN be, until we figure out how both we and our partner communicates, we can find ourselves in all kinds of conflict situations.
As you may have guessed, generally speaking, woodpeckers are vocal and more aggressive and turtles avoid conflict at all costs but are also often deep processors and feelers.
Sometimes the roles can shift. One partner can be more aggressive in fighting but less aggressive in general communication or vice versa. The beauty of recognizing the posture and tendency that you and your partner have is deeply key to empathizing and seeing between the lines of your communication and conflict.
Many couples actually find themselves with a new way of easing tension when they see what kind of animal they tend to be.
My hope is that, after taking this quiz and using the attached resources, you can find yourself growing in your understanding and awareness of communication and conflict in your relationship.
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© David McVety, March 2018
David McVety is the Assistant Director of Doing Family Right.
To contact David McVety, email: firstname.lastname@example.org
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